This past week has been a test of my emotions. I have been through so much with everyone in my life, I have really found out who my true friends are and who the people are that will always be there. I have learned that no matter how hard it is to stand up for yourself, you have to hold your head up. I don't believe in revenge, I believe in forgiving and forgetting, no matter how hard it is. I believe that all things are possible with the Lord's blessing on my life. I have had some amazing people enter and exit my life recently, and even though it is hard, I realize that I have to keep going and only allow things to make me stronger, not break me.
This weekend, I had the busiest weekend that I've had in a while. Despite all of the rushing and confusion, I really had time to stop and smell the flowers. I did a wedding at the Louisiana Castle, it was the most beautiful place I've ever seen. The day was so perfect, the sun was shining bright, the birds were chirping, and yellow butterflies surrounded me. Since the day my pawpaw has died, when I see a yellow butterfly, I always think of him. It's comforting to know that his presence was there with me, I couldn't have asked for anything more relaxing for a Sunday.I love everything about weddings, from the silly pictures to the smell of the cake; from the groom putting on his cuff links to his priceless face when his bride walks down the aisle. Photography has become my clutch, I don't know what I would do without it. To know that you are giving someone memories to hold on to forever just drives me to put my all into it and not only to take a picture, but to capture emotions and make them memories. I hope to do photography for the rest of my life.
I also don't know what I would do without certain people in my life. It's good to know that not everyone will turn their back on me when I need them. AmyLynn has become the person I look up to the most. She inspires me beyond belief and is always there for me with the best advice. The whole ride up to the Castle, we talked about my family and she just really got my thoughts and emotions flowing. Mrs.Deb has become like my second mother, she has taught me that life is tough, get a helmet and don't take anyone's shit. She's one strong woman and I admire her for all she's been through. We just got to talking about family and my dad, and how he really has no clue what he's doing to me emotionally, which I was blind to before this talk, because I thought I was MiSS TOUGH STUFF, but it really broke me inside to even think about what they were telling me. Mrs. Deb said there was nothing more emotional than seeing her husband cry when her daughter walked down the aisle.
Every wedding I have done lately, my favorite part has become the father/bride dance. It breaks me inside but I love taking the emotion and putting it into a photograph. They're always laughing, crying, kissing, and looking into each others eyes. A look that goes deep into each of their souls, where you can almost see their heart; telling each other 'I love you so much'. The best part about this dance would have to be the music. Each song the bride picks seems to be a reflection of their lives together. Whether its 'I Loved Her First', 'My Little Girl', or 'Butterfly Kisses', I could stare all day and be happy for them seeing the way the father looks at his newly-wed daughter.
There's nothing more in this world that I want than to heal the relationship between my dad and I. When I look back at old memories, I was daddy's little girl, and I don't understand how it could be gone just like that. I remember going camping, learning to ride a bike, boatriding, sitting in daddy's lap fishing, and him coming to tuck me in every night. I will hold onto those forever. Not everything in life is understandable, and thats what's life is all about. Yes, I have made a lot of bad decisions and mistakes, but I have only grown to become the person I am today. I don't like letting things get to me and when I feel like I have told everyone how I feel, and there's no one else to go to, releasing my thoughts in writing comforts me.There's nothing I can do but keep on keepin' on .. Gittin er' done .. and rockn' and rolln' baby..
Don't let anything steal the joy in your heart that you have been blessed with.
